Sunday, November 6, 2011

Paul...How he fell of the "path"

I have recently begun Beth Moore's Paul: 90 days in his journey of faith.I didn't think I'd really catch anything amazing yet, but of course, I did!
The first few days of this book describe how Paul would have been born, circumcised, and forced to follow the Jewish rituals.  He had to be sent away when he was 13 to learn more about the Torah and who knows what else...
The first portion of his life, he was forced into religion, then finally he couldn't take it any more.  I bet that he grew bored in going through the same rituals daily and the same prayers over and over again.
It just reminded me how grateful I am to have a Savior who died for me to let me pray however I can and not have to go through any special ritual to talk to Him.

Thursday, October 13, 2011


If you read my blog, you know that I'm pretty busy and like to plan ahead...
Welll...letting Jesus plan for me is sorta difficult.
You see, I have always dreamt of my first job being at Starbucks...So, for over 6 months after I turned 16 I was applying and waiting for a response from them.  I was SO discouraged when I never got a response.  Then, all the sudden, people started asking me to babysit, then recommending me to their friends who recommended me to their friends...before you know it, I have 4-5 days a week scheduled!
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" -Jeremiah 29:11

He knows every hair on my head and surely He knows where my life is headed...and yours, too! Just TRUST!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

It's almost October...?

Wow. So...I only have 8 months left of my high school career.  That's pretty crazy.
Overview of my life currently:
I've babysat ~75 hours this month (which is why I haven't had time to blog..)
My wisdom teeth extraction went totally fine, as did my post op...:)
I took the ACT and got my not-so-great scores, but hey, I have 8 months to take it again, right?

New favorite way to study the Bible from my Youth Pastor:
Find a passage: Ask Who, What, When, Where, Why and How.  Then Interpret it (what it means to everyone...) then Apply it to your own life.

I've used this 'system' for a week now and it really is my favorite.  Note: When you have no idea where to read in the Bible, go to Bible Gateway and read their verse/passage of the day.  And, of course, ask these questions.  These questions can be over 1/2 a verse or a whole chapter, but IMO, passages are better studied slower.  I've been trying to stick to 1-2 verses.


Friday, August 12, 2011

Be Still

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10

Do you ever wonder if God laughs at you?  I sure do.  I am going to Israel in March, I'm starting my Senior year soon, I have a consult with my oral surgeon to have my wisdom teeth taken out, and I am taking the ACT in less than a month.  As you can imagine, I am going nuts and worrying about every little thing.  I want to get a good grade on my ACT :Math and Science are not my strong subjects, and I don't like them on top of that...I'm gonna fail and not get into a college...then not get a job, then be homeless, then.....I want to get good grades in school this year : But I can't do this, I am not smart enough....I want to get the most out of going to Israel :but what about the plane ride? Is it safe there? Wait...I'm gonna be where Jesus actually walked on this earth? But, He's everywhere now....But in the flesh He was actually there. I am not worthy to be walking where He walked.....My wisdom teeth are being taken out: There will be a ton of pain, I won't be able to handle it, on top of my ACT, school, babysitting, ect...
Hey Kathleen?
-Sup, God?
I don't know what it sounds like to you, but it sounds like the devil is trying to get a hold of my life.  Jesus is trying to tell me He's got it.  He knows the plans for my life (Jer.29:11) and He knows the grades I will get on my ACT and my senior year, He knows the exact day my wisdom teeth will come out, He knows how going to Israel will impact my spiritual walk... He knows everything and He is trying to get my attention to tell me to be still and not worry. 

You may not be taking the ACT, starting your senior year, getting your wisdom teeth taken out or going to Israel next year, but I assure you there is something in your life Satan is telling you that you cannot do.  Remember, God is God.  Be still and know that He is omnipotent (all-powerful), omniscient (all-knowing) and omnipresent (all-present..He is everywhere)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

He is Light

We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the Word of life. This one who is life itself was revealed to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and proclaim to you that he is the one who is eternal life. He was with the Father, and then he was revealed to us. We proclaim to you what we ourselves have actually seen and heard so that you may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We are writing these things so that you may fully share our joy.
This is the message we heard from Jesust and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.
If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.
1 John 1 (NLT)

Okay, so the whole Bible is about the Trinity (God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit) and proclaiming the good news.  Right? Right.  So, He is the only way we can get eternal life and He IS LIFE. So, without God, there is no life.  Because (In  the Beginning God made the heavens and the earth..Gen 1:1)  I often say that God is the only reason I am on this earth, and this is the verse that shows why! Without God, there is no earth, there is no life.  Yet, we often "don't have time" for Him.  He could very easily end our glamorous lives at any moment, either by snapping us out of our "perfect life" and making us poor, or even ending our life.
There is no darkness in God at all, because He is light.  In Revelation, it says that there will be no light (sun/moon) because God is/will be the only light we need.  We cannot have fellowship with darkness, as well.  This is a touchy subject because we are supposed to reach those in the dark.  Funny thing is, many people go "into" the dark to reach those people. The problem that presents itself, is there is now no visible difference between Christians and nonbelievers.  If Christians drink, party, swear and sleep around, why would nonbelievers have any interest in becoming a Christian?  Also, once we realize that we are sinners, we cannot just go on living and think we are saved, we have to repent, not only when we ask Jesus into our lives, but when we sin, we need to ask God to forgive us.  The cool thing?  He is faithful and just (fairly doing the same to everyone) to forgive us! 

Just remember, even if you are a Christian, you can't live a different life away from church. 

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?  What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.

2 Corinthians 6


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

All Scripture is righteousness

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,
-2 Timothy 3:16

I can't remember if I've blogged my thoughts on this verse yet, or not...if so, here it is again :)
Okay.  So, at the surface, this verse says that we can use Scripture to teach, rebuke, correct and train...
Well, if you think about it, there are so many different passages that just 'appear' right when you need them; whether you're looking for a random verse or reading your daily plan. 
Another cool thing is, all Scripture is useful IN righteousness. That doesn't mean you can rebuke someone with Scripture unfairly.  The cool thing is, God judges with righteousness.  Although we cannot judge others, only God can do that, we can correct them justly (the definition of righteousness).  Pretty cool task given by and through God, hm?


Thursday, July 21, 2011

He restores my soul

He restores my soul. -Psalm 23:3a

Wow. A simple verse with SO much meaning.  Lately I've found myself not nearly as close to God as I have been in the past.  The world teaches us that everyday life just 'gets in the way' of reading the Bible, and taking time to strengthen a relationship with God.  The really amazing thing is, no matter what the world says, once God gets your attention again, you are always welcome right where you were. 
When I hear the word 'Restore' I think of a computer or iPhone (yes...this is a major geek sign...)
In computer language, it really means to erase everything and begin anew. All of the distorted files are wiped away, everything is gone and you get clean slate. When you think about that happening to your soul, it is overwhelming. I, a sinner, get a clean slate when I mess up. Granted, God does not love that people walk away from Him, but it doesn't matter what you've done.  God searches for you, well for all of us. (Matthew 18:12)  He is so greatful when we come back (as told in the parable of the prodigal son)  He forgets that you ever went away, and you start anew.  I am so grateful that nothing matters except for the present and the future.  My past has been forgotten and yours has too!

God bless.


Sunday, June 12, 2011


This is most of our group playing Silent Football at the church one night.
Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, "Rulers of the people and elders of Israel: If we this day are judged for a good deed done to a helpless man, by what means he has been made well, let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by Him this man stands here before you whole. Acts 4:8-10 (NKJV)
This past week, I went to Nashville, Tennessee with 26 other people to serve people less fortunate than me. This trip just showed me how blessed I really am. Even the first day, I learned that there are so many people that live on so little. Thousands of people in Nashville live on less than $10,000 a year and over 13% of the population lives on under $20,000 a year.There is government housing (where the tenant is only required to pay a percentage of what they make) but that only does so much. Many people still are homeless because they just can't afford to pay for a place to live.

Our church sent 27 people on this mission trip, 5 adults and 22 teenagers. We had way too many people to work in one place, so we were split up into 'Serve Groups' for most of the week. This way, we could help twice the amount of people and didn't have anyone sitting around doing nothing. This post will be from my serve group's perspective, which is different than the other serve group. :)

Every morning we went to Y-CAP. (YMCA's Community Action Project) and played with middle school aged kids. They allowed us to put on a skit every morning pertaining to a Bible story. The skits included the Parable of the Prodigal Son, the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, the Good Samaritan and Daniel and the Lions Den. A lot of the children enjoyed the skits and seemed to get a lot out of them. After the skits, we would play a game to get them all moving, such as Sharks and Minnows. Then we would break out into groups called 'Breakouts' and some kids were in a cooking class (my group :D), some reviewed movies, and others played sports. When the Breakouts were done, we would leave. The kids were loud and crazy and at times I didn't know how to respond because my parents raised me so differently than these kids are being raised. But, I had to remind myself that these children don't all have the luxury of having 2 parents, or even having a meal. You could just tell that there was hurt inside them.

We would then go eat our lunches at the church, a park, or downtown with homeless people. The first afternoon after lunch, we packed nearly 1,500 boxes full of food via 'Feed the Children'. The boxes were going to be sent to the tornado victims in Alabama. They were filled with water bottles, canned green beans, canned pinto beans, peanut butter, spaghetti sauce, canned carrots, spaghetti noodles, rice, boxed macaroni and cheese and cornflakes. It really felt like we were doing something to help someone, and at the end, we realized that we had aided in feeding nearly 1,500 families of 4.

That night, we went on a Prayer Tour of downtown Nashville. We saw the 'pretty' side of downtown (Music Row) and tons of recording studios followed by the part of town where people live way below the poverty line.  It was just so sad to think that so many people are so wealthy, while others cannot even feed their family. During the prayer tour, we made a stop in front of the capitol building and prayed for the government on government property. Most countries don't have the freedom to pray in public, let alone on government property, so it was really cool. We also laid on the sidewalk between the stadium that the Tennessee Titans play at and a juvenile justice center. It was crazy to think of how much hurt goes on at the juvenile justice center, while a football stadium right across the street is packed with people seemingly oblivious to this hurt, at nearly every game. We just prayed for both sides of the road. We prayed that the people at the stadium would come to know Jesus and that although we seem to worship football, that it is NOT Jesus. We also prayed for the kids at the justice center, that they would know that there are people that care about them.

The next afternoon, we went to NICE, which helps immigrant children learn how to read and write in English. It was really cool to see all the different walks of life and cultures and how well they have adjusted already. Some of the kids had only been in the states for a few months, others for nearly their whole lives. This program will help the children so much during the summer as they prepare to go to school next year. The kids were all so different, yet were so similar in the fact that they all were in the same boat. They were all new to America and were learning to live outside of their country and culture.

Let me explain dinner! The first night, we went out for Thai food, which was pretty good. The next night, we ate Swett's Soul food (fried chicken, mashed potatoes...). The following night we went for Ethiopian food. We got platters of food and baskets of sponge bread. You ate it without silverware only picking up the food with pieces of sponge bread. I think Mark (our CSM leader) and I were the only ones who liked it  everyone else wanted to go to White Castle afterwards. Then, the last night we went to Cock of the Walk where nearly everything was fried. It was really good as well :)
One night, we went out onto a bridge and prayed for the city as we were looking out over downtown. The diversity of the city is just so sad. There are so many people hurting, whether they are living way under the poverty line of are in the nightlife of the city. It was so sad to think that while I am by no means rich myself, I go to Starbucks every once in awhile, and go out for meals without even thinking how much it will cost.  We learned that many people are day laborers who make minimum wage and then have to rent the tools to work with.  So many people are taken advantage of and therefore cannot afford anything. 

One of the afternoons we went downtown to try to find a homeless person to eat lunch with.  We walked, and walked, and walked, and walked and walked some more and still only saw people that were in town for the CMA awards. Finally after nearly 3 hours of walking around, we spotted two men.  We approached them and asked them if they wanted some lunch their response was "We are alcoholics, we don't know what lunch is...we just eat whenever." They did agree to let us sit with them, though.  We got them to tell us their stories which were pretty interesting.  Charles was standoffish at first and said that his story made him cry, so he wouldn't tell it to us.  So, then David started to tell us his story and Charles interrupted him with his own story.  Charles seemed to be under the influence of some drug or alcohol, so his story may not have been accurate, but he seemed to be hurting very much.  He said that when he was about my age he shot and killed both his best friend and girlfriend.  He then went to jail, I believe for 20 years, and then when he got out, he moved out to the streets.  He felt as though God could never forgive him for what he had done.  We tried to explain to him that God loves us and forgives us despite what we've done in the past, but he just felt he wasn't worthy of God's love.  This just broke my heart, he knew so much of the Bible but didn't feel as though he could accept the only gift that could give him eternal life. 

This trip just opened my eyes to the fact that not all people are homeless or below the poverty line because they are lazy and never work.  So many people work their tails off and just can't afford to make ends meet, while homeless people sometimes don't even remember what it is like to live a normal life.  Homeless people are hardly ever given a chance because of their appearance, but they really can't take a shower, or get clean water, food, or clean clothes to go get a job.  I realized how blessed I am and how much I take for granted.  I just wish I could have helped more and stayed longer, but CSM (Center for Student Missions) that organizes everything that youth groups do there will have other youth groups coming in all summer to help more and more people.  This was an amazing and life changing opportunity and I hope to be able to do something similar in the future.

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
-Matthew 25:34-36, 40 (NIV)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Other Religions....

Currently in my youth group, we are doing a series called "Confident Christian".  It's basically just showing us what other people believe (Buddhists, Muslims, Jews....) and how to show them that Jesus is the only way to Heaven. 
A cool thing we learned last Wednesday is that even though what these religions believe is not exactly right, they have some things right. 

I know, I know...You think I'm crazy....Keep reading, I'm not done. 

What they have right, is that they are so faithful to pray at certain times, or to keep every law that was spoken to Moses.  If we could just adopt some of their faithfulness, we could prosper much more as Christians.  I began to think, 'What if I prayed 5 times a day instead of just when it's convenient for me' or 'What if I began wanting to read my Bible instead of making myself read it at times'.

While we are on the subject of Bible reading and praying, have you thought lately how blessed we are to be able to read about Jesus and how to be more like Him? Or how much we take for granted knowing that every prayer we pray is heard, even if we don't get an answer right away?

Put a note card on your mirror reminding yourself to thank Jesus, learn more about Him through His Word and just talk to Him like you talk to so many other people throughout the day.

You are blessed, whatever your situation may be right now. 

Friday, April 22, 2011


So, today I was reading Nehemiah and I had an epiphany. (I think that's what it's called....I don't know...just listen :D)
So, Nehemiah was a cupbearer to the king, and heard that the walls of Jerusalem had been burned and torn down. So, he asked the king to send him to Jerusalem to rebuild the walls. Then, when he got there, many people are listed as helping rebuild the walls.
You may think "mmhmmmm....He went to rebuild walls. Great."
WELL, if you think about it in 21st Century terms, you can go help rebuild the walls of a family, company or church among other things. The really cool thing is, the writer (God through Nehemiah) made sure to include the names of all of those who worked to rebuild it. This shows me that God sees us as we rebuild his kingdom here on earth, and He wants us to know that He recognizes it.

Friday, April 8, 2011

"The desires of your heart....."

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4
Just a thought....Remember, God is omnipotent, and omniscient. He always knows what you want and has the power to make it happen. All you have to do is talk to Him about it.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Midterms and Research Papers.....

Hey there....
I've been pretty busy lately studying for my midterms (which means 7 weeks left of my junior year. CRAZY!) And, on top of that, I was already started on a research paper that I knew nothing about.....So, I'm starting a new topic.
Oh well :)

“A psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.” - Psalm 23:1-3
This was's passsage for the day. He will guide me and you....Don't worry :)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

God Speaking....

Hey peeps!
Long time, no blog....So, today I have something to say.

Recently I had to make a tough decision and I didn't really know what to do. So, instead of going with my personal feelings (which is what the world would tell me to do..) I went to God. I prayed about it, and I read my Bible. I know a lot of you are now thinking "Well, God doesn't speak to me..I've never heard Him".
Well, I didn't think He really would speak to me either. It was through His word...I was just praying and trying to figure out what His plan entailed and all the sudden I hear "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Tim 4:12.

This is a verse I had to memorize for school last year, but it's always been on my heart. I kinda base this blog around that verse. BoldI am young, but that doesn't mean my faith can't influence someone else. I've learned I can't be shy in my faith. If I am shy in my faith, there is no reason to have faith. Because faith without works is dead. (James 2:20)

My point after all that rambling is,
a) it is important to memorize Scripture for times like this.
b) Always turn to God..Even if it is just opening your Bible to a random spot, He'll show you SOMETHING.
c) Don't be afraid to set an example for others even though you are young or afraid. You SHOULD be afraid to stand up for God. It develops perseverance.


Sunday, February 13, 2011

When Will They Realize...?

I was reading Hosea 11 tonight, and verse 3 really stood out to me...
"It was I who taught Ephriam to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them."

So many times in this world you hear "The universe gave me this"...."My horoscope said this" or "Mary gave me this..." even "My ancestors are looking down on me and gave me this.."
This passage says GOD gives us what we need, and everything good that happens to us, and everything bad that happens to us comes from His master plan.

We are often so tempted to say "Wow...I got lucky!" Actually, you didn't. God gave you that.

Remember that next time you are thinking about being "lucky"

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

You Must Confess...

Isaiah 1: 10-20 (Good News Translation)

Jerusalem, your rulers and your people are like those of Sodom and Gomorrah. Listen to what the LORD is saying to you. Pay attention to what our God is teaching you. He says, “Do you think I want all these sacrifices you keep offering to me? I have had more than enough of the sheep you burn as sacrifices and of the fat of your fine animals. I am tired of the blood of bulls and sheep and goats. Who asked you to bring me all this when you come to worship me? Who asked you to do all this tramping around in my Temple? It's useless to bring your offerings. I am disgusted with the smell of the incense you burn. I cannot stand your New Moon Festivals, your Sabbaths, and your religious gatherings; they are all corrupted by your sins. I hate your New Moon Festivals and holy days; they are a burden that I am tired of bearing. “When you lift your hands in prayer, I will not look at you. No matter how much you pray, I will not listen, for your hands are covered with blood. Wash yourselves clean. Stop all this evil that I see you doing. Yes, stop doing evil and learn to do right. See that justice is done—help those who are oppressed, give orphans their rights, and defend widows.”
The LORD says, “Now, let's settle the matter. You are stained red with sin, but I will wash you as clean as snow. Although your stains are deep red, you will be as white as wool. If you will only obey me, you will eat the good things the land produces. But if you defy me, you are doomed to die. I, the LORD, have spoken.”

I first read this passage is the NKJV, but went back and read it in this version and it sounds so cool. "{God Speaking} Do you think I want your offerings?... They are covered in sin!" He will cleanse us if we confess our sins to Him. He doesn't want us to come to Him expecting He won't see the sin that we are covered in. We need to confess our sins to Him before we can freely worship Him.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Standing Out...

Tonight in Deeper (our Student Ministry's Sunday Night Bible Study..) we were talking about Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Yes, those people you've heard about since you were two...They went into a furnace and came out alive. Blah blah blah... It was in the Veggie Tales movie with the chocolate bunnies! It is actually more than that.

If you read Daniel 3, you will see the whole story.
Daniel was away, but his friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were in Babylon. Nebuchadnezzar built a huge idol that everyone is Babylon was to bow down and worship. These 4 men decided that they were not going to defile God by doing this. They could have just bowed down to the ground like everyone else, and worshipped their God silently...but nope, they were the ONLY ONES in Babylon that stood up while they were commanded to worship this idol.

Nebuchadnezzar called them and basically gave them another chance. Their response is amazing. They basically said, We don't need another chance. You can try to kill us if you want to, but we have our God whether we are dead or alive, and we are going to worship Him.

Nebuchadnezzar got upset and ordered that they be thrown into a fiery furnace...that's not was 7 times HOTTER than it normally was. The children's story doesn't mention that the soldiers that escorted them into the furnace died because of how hot it was. So, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego fell into the furnace. Nebuchadnezzar is watching all of this and is like "Wait...weren't" The officials assure him there were three. They all looked, and there were 4 men (The three original, and an angel protecting them) standing, unharmed, in the middle of the furnace. They walked out, and Nebucadnezzar was so impressed that he said that anyone that tried to blasphemy these men's God would be killed.

WOW. That is faith. This is an extreme case, but if just a few of us stood up for what we believed in...look at what could happen!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Have No Fear!

"Have no fear of sudden disaster, or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be at your side and will kepe your foot from being snared"
-"Proverbs 3:25-26"

Long time, no blog...I've been really busy! I know, no excuse :)
I almost forgot to memorize this verse for my Bible class in school...and I'm so glad I remembered. It's SO true.

Have no fear for the Lord is at your side and will watch out for you.

This is just what I needed today.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

It's a New Year!

Wow....It's 2011. Crazyness!
Well, everyone knows that at the start of the year, everyone makes New Years Resolutions. I have made a few in the past, but they never last. SO, this year, I've decided to not make "resolutions" but rather just things to work on....What are yours?
My biggest thing I need to work on is:
To be more interested in God's Word. Yeah, I read my Bible daily, but sometimes, it just feels like I am making myself read it. Why do I (along with many other people) feel that way?

Maybe because society doesn't see a need for a personal relationship with Jesus, and therefore it is difficult to actually be different and take time out of your "busy" schedule to spend time with your Maker and Savior.

Think about are on this earth by the doing of 1 omnipotent God. We owe a debt to our Savior, because He died for our sins, so we wouldn't have to rot in hell. We sing songs about owing a debt we can't pay, and how we thank Him for it...but do we really thank Him? To often we all sing songs at church that have a catchy tune, and we forget about the words. God has spoken to the people that have made the songs we sing in church, and a lot of the songs come directly from Scripture. Why is it so hard for us really thank Him for dying for us?

Why is it so hard for us to even talk to Him, or even let Him talk to us through His Scriptures? I am going to be more excited to be in His Word this year. There really is no reason not to. He is the only reason I am alive.

Anyone with me?