Worship and Circumstances

I am currently in an interesting season of my life.

Most people my age are getting married, having children and pursuing their masters and doctorate degrees. I graduated college, then moved back home to save money while I applied for jobs.

I accepted a job two months after graduation, but it turned out to be quite a different opportunity than I expected. Adding to this frustration is over an hour commute each way in Austin traffic every day.

I have struggled with several things the devil has told me during this season of my life:

• Why do you need a job? You don't have anything to save for anyways. 
• Why are you trying so hard to be successful? You won't amount to anything anyways.
• Why are you dreaming about having a relationship some day? It will never happen. You're going to be single forever.

Then as I was studying in preparation to lead my small group, God revealed to me the chains of faithlessness and lack of joy that had me bound. 

You see, Matthew 14:22-33 talks about Peter's faith:

• He saw the Lord walking on water, and naturally thought something like that could never be possible and believed it was a ghost.
• Once Jesus identified Himself, Peter still didn't believe and demanded Jesus allow him to walk on the water with Him. 
• Jesus allowed Peter to walk alongside Him on the water.
• Peter became fearful when the wind and waves started again and began to doubt God's sovereignty. 
• Jesus asked why he doubted, but didn't punish Peter.; instead, He got into Peter's boat with him and the storm stopped. 
• Then all of those in the boat believed that He was the Son of God after the storm stopped when Jesus got into the boat. 

If I really believe that God reigns over everything and everyone, why do I act like Peter?

• Why do I believe the devil's lies that I am in a rotten place in my life and should have a bad attitude about it? 

Here are a few ways that God has shown me to strengthen my faith and help my unbelief.

• God's ways are perfect (Psalm 18:30, 2 Samuel 22:31) and He had great plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11). 

• Those plans cannot be fully understood in your life unless a) you trust in Him with ALL your heart and b) in all your ways acknowledge that Him and His place in your life (Proverbs 3:5-6).  

• You see, God can be establishing your path for you, but you will never understand how He is using you until you fully relinquish your life and trust to Him. You will see stages in your life as a burden if you don't view them as the Lord shaping you and using you where you are.

• We are all clay, being molded to Jesus' image (Jeremiah 18). Once we are molded, we must be refined by the fire that is God Almighty (1 Peter 1:7). This molding and refining cannot happen unless we are in His presence. 

• When we look at the Bible, we do not see God taking people out of their struggles, we see Him helping them through it; we often forget this part of the stories.

• He took the Israelites out of bondage, but didn't drop them into the Promised Land. They had to wander through the wilderness for forty years, but He provided for their every need: food, shelter, water, leadership and protection from the enemies. 

• He allowed the devil to tempt Job by taking away all of his worldly possessions (can you even imagine that? Your wealth, family, and your job/animals). While Job mourned these losses and was not able to understand, he never wavered in his faithfulness to God. Through this book, we find out who God is- He is Godself and understands things we are never to understand. Suffering does not happen because of a sinful act, but rather because of God's good and perfect master plan.

Ultimately, if our joy comes from our circumstances, we will always be let down. 

• I personally found that my joy came from being successful in college, having great friends and free time. 

• Once I graduated and no longer had the security of knowing I could do well in classes, friends living in the same room as me and basically no free time, I became bitter.

• God has begun to show me that my joy did not come from Him, but rather from the things around me. Think about this thought from Halim Suh at the Austin Stone: 
• What you worship is the object of all your hopes and dreams.
• He brought up a great point: If your family was suddenly taken from you, would you have joy? If you lost your job, would you still find joy? 

In conclusion, I am slowly realizing what I am worshipping alongside God. Spoiler: it is definitely security, success, and time to relax.

• Worshipping God doesn't work that way. God demands your entire trust and hope to be in Him. That is ultimately what the first of the Ten Commandments says. 

• With this realization, I am choosing to place my worship and trust in Him, rather than in earthly possessions that will fade. 

I am choosing joy in this season of my life rather than bitterness, because life is short and I will constantly be striving for things I can never achieve.

-K